I didn't find Ellie

Well, I did not find Ellie. This has been a very expensive, very emotional trip. We went to see the other little girl yesterday and didn't get back to the hotel until after 8:00pm. In my heart I knew it wasn't her. So, I did not go back to the orphanage today. Instead, I arrived at the Kemerovo airport at about 4:30 A.M. to try and get my tickets changed to come back home. I was able to do so, and my mother got the rest of my tickets changed. I just arrived in Atlanta and am waiting for my flight to Dallas. I will have to spend the night in Dallas. Probably just as well, I think I may need a good cry before I see Emma. I can't wait to get home to my family and kiss my precious little girl. I may just squeeze the stuffing out of her.

I know that God has a reason for this experience. I know there are things I am supposed to take from it. So far I have learned the following:
1. How hard it is to leave a little one at home.
2. How frightening it is to think that a wrong decision in bringing another little one into your family might adversely impact the child you already have.
3. How utterly demoralizing it is to have an unsuccessful first trip.
I am sure there are more lessons to come as soon as I have slept.

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve,

I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey;

I asked for health, that I might do greater things,

I was given infirmity, that I might do better things;
I asked for riches, that I might be happy,

I was given poverty, that I might be wise;

I asked for power, that I might have the praise of man,

I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God;
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life,

I was given life, that I might enjoy things;

I got nothing that I asked for - but everything I needed,

Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered,

I am among all people, most richly blessed.

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I know I will be better able to help others families because of this experience. And I know I probably couldn't have learned it any other way. But, if there is ever a choice, next time I think I would like God to try and send me a post card first.

Love to you all, Merinda