Waiting and Waiting and Waiting

Hmmmm, I am probably five weeks out from my trip. I am worried about money for travel and lost income while I am gone. I am worried the most about my Emma. Should I take her with me or not? The depth at which I love her never ceases to amaze me. Can I stand to be away from her for three weeks? Will she be ok for three weeks? Would it be good for her to see Russia and an orphanage to give her some idea of where she came from? Would it be quality time for us together? Would she bond better with Ellie because of the time together away from the rest of the world? Would Ellie? Would she be safe overseas? Could I handle two children without mishap coming home? Would we cause an international incident? So many questions, no answers, and the fear I will make a poor decision. In the midst of all of this angst and uncertainty, I have the clarity of mind to know that I am so very blessed. I have two daughters. One is home and the other is coming. I have my love to share, but also the love of my parents and the certainty that no matter what, that love will continue for myself and my daughters. Perhaps I need to remember this the next time I have fear and anxiety -- I may be in the midst of another miracle and not even know it.

Saying Goodbye -- for now

It is Saturday morning about 10:30 and I am in the Seoul Airport waiting for a 5:00 pm flight. I am so looking forward to seeing my little Emma. Yesterday, however, was the most difficult day of this trip -- saying goodby -- for now. In my heart Ellie is already mine, When I left Emma in Lubbock, I knew she was safe, loved beyond all belief, well fed, warm and night, and her future secure. Leaving Ellie is much less certain. She is in an orphanage with leaky windows, flooring worn by years of repetitive use, mismatched, patched, and in some cases missing entirely. She eats cereal from a bottle and must stop before she is ready. She is constantly bundled in clothes in the belief that doing so will protect her from sickness -- because there are no adequate funds for sufficient antibiotics if she does become ill. Her future right now seems so tenuous. I have heard it said that having a child is the very uncomfortable feeling of having your heart running around outside of your body. I found with Emma that no truer words were ever spoken. With Ellie, part of my heart is beyond my reach. Please pray for her safety and that the rest of this adoption proceeds quickly and without problem. Please pray that Ellie feels our love so many miles a way. Please pray that she comes home to us soon. Love Merinda

The road home

It is 7:00am here in Vladivostok. I have a busy day that includes visiting my little precious one -- one more time. The thought of leaving her is terrible and the thought of seeing my little Emma, bliss. I fly to Seoul today and spend the night. Tomorrow I fly to Atlanta and then Dallas. Then, Sunday, I fly home to my family whom I miss very much. Mom, please give Emma a kiss. Love Merinda

The days just get better and better

Each day is even better. I went to see Ellie yesterday and she was even cuter! Under Russian law I can't post photos, so you will just have to take my word for it. She is ADORABLE!!!!! I love her so much already. I can't wait to bring her home so we can be a family. When I get home it will be two or three months before I can come back and bring her home. I am waiting to go see her again today. Tomorrow I will go to the notary to sign the petition to adopt. Yeah!! More later. Thank you for the posts, they really brighten my day! Love Merinda

I found her!!!

Praise God, I found our little Ellie. She is just beautiful. She is a tiny little thing and a woman on the move. She loves playing and is quite ticklish. She also loves hugs and kisses. I will get to go see her again tomorrow. Please keep praying that everything goes ok with the rest of the adoption. God is Good!! Tell Emma I love her and I found her sister!! Love Merinda

Almost!!

I am pins and needles -- waiting -- waiting. I leave to see her in about forty minutes. The hotel I am staying at has many adoptive families. It is so moving to be in the middle of so many miracles. It is estimated that there are over 800,000 orphans in Russia. To see just of few of them find their families fills me with so much love and hope. I am so very blessed to be part of this. I will post just as soon as I get back. Thank you all so much for your prayers. Please include Emma and my parents in your prayers too. Love Merinda

Good news!!

Tomorrow I get to go see my precious little one!! Thank you for the prayers. Mom give Emma a kiss for me. Love Merinda