I didn't find Ellie

Well, I did not find Ellie. This has been a very expensive, very emotional trip. We went to see the other little girl yesterday and didn't get back to the hotel until after 8:00pm. In my heart I knew it wasn't her. So, I did not go back to the orphanage today. Instead, I arrived at the Kemerovo airport at about 4:30 A.M. to try and get my tickets changed to come back home. I was able to do so, and my mother got the rest of my tickets changed. I just arrived in Atlanta and am waiting for my flight to Dallas. I will have to spend the night in Dallas. Probably just as well, I think I may need a good cry before I see Emma. I can't wait to get home to my family and kiss my precious little girl. I may just squeeze the stuffing out of her.

I know that God has a reason for this experience. I know there are things I am supposed to take from it. So far I have learned the following:
1. How hard it is to leave a little one at home.
2. How frightening it is to think that a wrong decision in bringing another little one into your family might adversely impact the child you already have.
3. How utterly demoralizing it is to have an unsuccessful first trip.
I am sure there are more lessons to come as soon as I have slept.

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve,

I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey;

I asked for health, that I might do greater things,

I was given infirmity, that I might do better things;
I asked for riches, that I might be happy,

I was given poverty, that I might be wise;

I asked for power, that I might have the praise of man,

I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God;
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life,

I was given life, that I might enjoy things;

I got nothing that I asked for - but everything I needed,

Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered,

I am among all people, most richly blessed.

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I know I will be better able to help others families because of this experience. And I know I probably couldn't have learned it any other way. But, if there is ever a choice, next time I think I would like God to try and send me a post card first.

Love to you all, Merinda

On Pins and Needles

It is current 6:40 AM here and I have been up since 4:30 AM. I don't know when we will leave to go see the little girl. She is in an orphanage about 3 1/2 hours away. So, I don't think I will have any news until morning your time. I am very excited and a little scared and still tired. My sleep pattern is all messed up. Oh well. Thank you for all your prayers and posts. Love Merinda

Countdown

Sunday morning here, about 9:30. I was woken up at about 3:00 am this morning with cars honking and people cheering. It went on until about 8:00. I'm not sure what is going on, but if its a coup, please someone email me. It is less than 36 hours until I get to see who I hope is Ellie. Today will mostly just be killing time (without getting lost). I've looked on the internet for some sort of tour or something. But with the exception of the strip mines, have found nothing.

I am in better spririts that I was. She is here somewhere. Hope springs eternal. Love Merinda

Thank you

Thank you all so much for your posts. You can't imagine how much you have helped. It is seven a.m. here on Saturday morning and things are moving slowly. The little girl I am supposed to see is in an orphanage in a village about 3 1/2 hours away. So, I will see her sometime on Monday afternoon. The place that opens early around here opens at eight. So, I will hang out here and then go get something for breakfast. I guess I will then go on a hunt for a souvenir for Emma. Love to everybody!! Merinda

My Pity Party

I can’t come home yet. They won’t let me see this little girl until Monday. The Department of Education said "if she want to see her, she’ll wait – otherwise, she can go home" And so, I am here until Wednesday. I know it is just a few more days, but I just keep crying. I am trying to have faith that God has granted my prayer, in the mean time that whole "do unto others" thing has kind of gone out the window as I have chewed on American Express, Delta, and Aeroflot. Lucky for everyone else they can’t speak English. I WANT MY BABY GIRL!!!! I WANT MY EMMA!!!!! Mom please hug her for me and tell her I love her love her love her!!! I could also use some central air and a re-run or two of anything in English.

Maybe Ellie

First, thank you so very much for you posts. I cannot tell you how much it means to me. The department of education has located a little girl, almost two for me to go see but I will be delayed here by quite a number of days to see her. If I had received this information while home, I might have said that she is too old. But, I asked God to only allow me to see a child, if that child were Ellie. So, I have agreed to go see her. Please pray that she is Ellie. And please pray for my little Emma. We have never been apart this long. My heart is breaking at the thought of being gone from her longer. But I feel that I must have faith that God has granted my request and that this little girl is Ellie. Thank you all for your prayers. Love Merinda

On the search

The department of education has spent all day trying to see if there might be another little girl for me to go see. At this time, I don't know what the outcome of that search will be. I have been praying that if Ellie is here, they find her so I can see her. I have also been praying that if Ellie is not here, that they don't find anyone for me to go see. I so desperately don't want another day like yesterday. Thank you for your prayers. Mom, please tell Emma I love her so very much and will come home soon. Love Merinda