So Far So Good

Yesterday morning started with an all too brief trip to see Elle. Another family was using the visitation room, so we spent most of our time in the hall because the other available room was too cold. In Russia public buildings are centrally heated and the government turns off the heat in late April or early May. However, no one told the weather it was time to warm up. It is not terribly cold, but in a concrete building with no heat, it does get pretty chilly pretty quick. Elle, however, did not seem to mind. She was bundled from head to toe and ready to cuddle. It amazed me how she clung so very tightly to me. She quickly fell asleep as I held her. I remember Emma doing the same when I came to see her and feeling such a love for her.

Before too long, I had we had to leave. The head doctor of the hospital came with Oksana and myself back to the hotel. They drank coffee while I changed for court. We all then went to pick up the social worker for court. When we arrived, we were met by the idependant translator who would be translating the court proceedings.

We waited what seemed like forever, probably ten minutes, and then filed into the room where the court proceedings would take place. Oksana, had to wait outside the room.

The prosecuter (sometimes mispronouced by Russians as the persecuter -- not confidence inspiring) came into the room. She appeared to be about 12 years old -- gosh I am getting old. she was about five foot six, thin as a rail, tired blond hair, wearing an outfit that was either designed in the eighties or was some sort of uniform with padded sholders and gold stars. On the other side of the room sat the secretary -- or court reporter -- complete with scratch paper and a pen. There were computer monitors in the room, but they were never turned on.

At the front of the room, sat THE JUDGE. She was probably early forties, long black hair pulled back except for wisps that had escaped as a part of a hard day, little or no makeup, a little on the heavy side, and of course wearing a black robe.

This woman some how mastered the ability to remove all expression from her face, all warmth from her eyes, and all inflection from her voice. She grilled me for the better part of an hour. Why did I want to adopt again, why this girl, what if I got married, what if my husband did not like my children, what if I had biological children, what if, what if, what if . . . .

I did my best to explain to the judge that, in my heart, Elle was already my daughter -- that I would never chose a suitor over my children -- that I knew the first time I held Elle that she was my daughter. Finally the judge wanted to know what my bad habits were -- well hmmm I rarely drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, don't gamble -- I told her quite truthfully that I eat too much chocolate, but otherwise was pretty boring. Finally, the barest hint of a smile which disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

The judge went through every single on of my documents aloud. She made quite a point to check the dates on my medical report. "April 3, 2009" HMMMM My mind raced -- they are only good for three months -- they expired on the 3rd -- oh no oh no oh no -- but wait they expire on July 3rd. Ok as soon as I can find someplace to throw up, I think I my live.

After chewing on the social worker, and questioning the doctor, and asking me on no fewer than four occasions if I still supported my petition -- the judge kicked us out of the room to deliberate.

While waiting out in the hall, the doctor told me that I had answered questions better than any parent she had seen. The interpreter gave me a piece of candy -- not chocolate -- but she thought I deserved something. Finally the judge called us back in.

With great slowness and deliberation, she read the decision. When she finally read the part where I get Elle, much to my surprise, my eyes welled up and tears started to fall.

For the first time, the hardness left the judge's face. She told me congratulations.

The doctor's husband picked her up, we took the social worker home, and Oksana dropped me off at the hotel. I spent the next fourteen hours awake, asleep, obsessing. worrying. anxious, and over all a real joy to be around.

We are one step closer, but as with Emma, I won't truely breathe until the flight home takes off.

Court Hearing Tomorrow

It took over forty hours, but I arrived without incident in Vladivostok on Wednesday and then slept the rest of the day. It is currently 11:00 pm on Thursday. I went to see Elle today. She is doing so well. I can't believe how much she has grown. She cuddled with me today and fell asleep in arms. I so wished I could have slipped her under my shirt and taken her back to the hotel. Tomorrow morning I get to see her again and then tomorrow afternoon I have my court hearing. The hearing will last an hour to an hour and a half. I probably won't get back to the hotel until 6:00 pm. I will post as soon as I get back. Please pray for an easy and successful hearing!!

Leaving my baby to bring my baby home

This morning started at around 4:00AM. Last minute packing, trying to rethink everything I had stuffed into two fairly large suitcases to determine if I had forgotten anything. Most of all, this day started with such a whirlwind of emotions. Leaving home has been so hard. You may not know this (my family certainly doesn't), but it is my job to protect my family from any thing harmful, hurtful, or otherwise unpleasent. I have failed miserably at this task, but know if I am nearby I have a chance at success. In leaving them, I leave them vulnerable to the world -- I am not able to even mitigate their potential suffering. In case you are wondering, I do know how this sounds -- nuts -- and like I may be a bit overly impressed with my role in the world! Nevertheless, there is it. I have left my daugther, my parents, the rest of my family, and the agency. I am bringing home a miracle to join the others in my life. How blessed am I to be so unhappy to leave my family and happy to bring home a daughter all at the same time. So, I will have to resign as guardian of my little univers, for at tlease the next 24 days and trust that my miracles are all in God's hands.

Twenty Three Hours to Go

This morning Emma woke up sick. I sure wish I could put her in my pocket and bring her with me. I so hate the idea of being apart from her. I believe her staying here is best for her -- but not for me!


Well in approximately twenty three hours, I will be taking off from Lubbock, to Dallas, to Atlanta, to Moscow, to Vladivostok. That is a mouth full!! I will arrive on Wednesday noon their time, (evening Lubbock time). I get to see Elle on Thursday and Friday and go to court Friday afternoon. Please pray for a successful and uneventful court date.

Please pray for Emma and my parents while I am gone.

Getting Ready for a Jet Plane

It is almost here!! I leave for Russia on Monday. I fly to Dallas, then to Atlanta, then to Moscow, then to Vladivostok. For those of you keeping track that is two days of travel!! But all worth it. I have my court hearing on the 19th. The decree is not final for 10 days, at which time I will be posting pictures of my little miracle. I will be in Vladivostok for two weeks and then to Moscow for a week to process out through the U.S. Embassy. My friend Kristi, who is adopting from Russia, might have her first trip at a time that overlaps my trip. I hope I hope I hope!!

I have been very blessed. When I adopted Emma, my wonderful friend Caryn came and met in Moscow and helped me bring Emma home. Now with Elle, my friend Debbie (who also adopted from Russia) will be meeting me in Moscow to help me home. How did I get so very fortunate to have such good friends?

I will not be home until the 8th of July. Please keep my parents and little Emma in your prayers. Please also keep the agency and our adoptive parents in your prayers as well. I will be available by email and phone, but I have control issues!!

Thank you all for your prayers so far. Thank you for helping me to bring our little Elle home!

A Surpise Party and Delay

The most wonderful thing ever, my family and friends had a surprise birthday party for Elle. I don't know how they managed, but my mother took Emma and myself to "drop by" my brother and sister-on-law's house and found a wonderful party. Friends were there along with family. Elle (and Emma!) received some lovely gifts and I tried to not cry. We are so very blessed.

I thought perhaps that my court date would be June 5, 2009. Unfortunately, my court date will be on June 19, 2009. I know I know -- just two more weeks. I have been pregnant for a year and a half it is only two extra weeks. So, I am working to get things ready to go. It is high season in Russia and Korea, so flights are extra expensive and difficult to get. But, I am working on patience.

The neatest thing happened, however, a good friend of mine had been adopting from China. China has slowed down to almost a stop, so she changed to Russia. Well, in record time, she received a referral of nine month old little girl in Vladivostok. She will probably accept the referral and be in Russia for here first trip at least a little bit of the time that I am there. So, I will have some company -- hopefully.

Waiting and Waiting and Waiting

Hmmmm, I am probably five weeks out from my trip. I am worried about money for travel and lost income while I am gone. I am worried the most about my Emma. Should I take her with me or not? The depth at which I love her never ceases to amaze me. Can I stand to be away from her for three weeks? Will she be ok for three weeks? Would it be good for her to see Russia and an orphanage to give her some idea of where she came from? Would it be quality time for us together? Would she bond better with Ellie because of the time together away from the rest of the world? Would Ellie? Would she be safe overseas? Could I handle two children without mishap coming home? Would we cause an international incident? So many questions, no answers, and the fear I will make a poor decision. In the midst of all of this angst and uncertainty, I have the clarity of mind to know that I am so very blessed. I have two daughters. One is home and the other is coming. I have my love to share, but also the love of my parents and the certainty that no matter what, that love will continue for myself and my daughters. Perhaps I need to remember this the next time I have fear and anxiety -- I may be in the midst of another miracle and not even know it.